Air Male Only

Alaska Airline officials report that a passenger got off the plane in Phoenix when he spotted a female pilot in the cockpit. He caught a later flight.
Lou Cancelmis, assistant vice-president for corporate communication, says the flight had already left the gate when the man asked to be let off. The plane was held up for 20 minutes while the stairs were dropped and the man’s luggage retrieved. Sportscaster Bob Rondeau, from KOMO Radio in Seattle, who was on the flight said other passengers booed when the reason for the delay was announced.

Loaded Question

Passengers on board a flight to Halifax, Canada, were treated to an unusual announcement when the captain directed his usual pre-landing speech toward Ruth James, relaying a proposal from her boy friend asking for her hand in marriage. “If she says yes, we are all supposed to clap,” said the captain, “if she says no, we’re supposed to throw her off the plane”. Ruth James, 25, said “Yes!”.
They clapped.


Peter Palumbo, 23, of Elmwood, Ill. pleaded guilty in a U.S. district court to assaulting the pilot.

Palumbo testified he had been drinking heavily before boarding in Newark, J.J. and that after 10 minutes into the flight he imagined he was on the Peter Pan ride at Disney World. He said that explains why he ripped off the pilot’s headset and grabbed the controls. Another passenger wrestled him to the floor. Sentencing was postponed indefinitely.

Fighter Pilots

Two turkeys, excuse me, two pilots from Turkey were dismissed from their jobs when flight recorder data exposed that the two, a captain and his copilot, engaged in a fist fight aboard an Airbus 340 on route from Bangkok to Istanbul. Apparently, they were unable to reach agreement over the prescribed altitude. The 240 passengers aboard were unaware of the incident since the aircraft was on automatic pilot at the time.

Co(ld) – Pilot Sweat

It was his first flight as a qualified co-pilot.

As soon as the Maersk Air BAC 1-11 was at cruising altitude on a flight from London to Milan the co-pilot announced that he is – of all things – scared of heights.
They were at 33,000 feet (10,000 m), and over France by this time, when the co-pilot complained of feeling unwell. The aircraft and its 50 passengers was diverted to Lyon, France, where the sweating flyer got off.
Britain’s Air Accidents Investigations Branch (BAAIB) reported that the plane was at normal cruising altitude when the co-pilot, a chap in his 30’s, began sweating profusely and told the captain of his fears. When the captain summoned the purser to help, the unfortunate victim refused a cold drink and oxygen to make him feel better.
“He continued to show symptoms of anxiety and stress,” the report went on, “the commander informed air traffic control of the situation and requested a diversion to Lyon, the nearest suitable airport.”

The copilot left the company four days later.

Tough Times

It seems that Raji Airlines is feeling the pinch of open-air policies. Pakistani Production Minister (also responsible for Aviation Safety) Mohammad Asghar reported to Parliament that the airline had two nose wheel tires repaired at a gas station because they were flat.

The minister further said that its two Russian-made TU-154M aircraft tire repairs did not meet required aircraft standards. Civil-aviation authorities grounded both planes, and allowed them to fly only after ensuring that none of the tires repaired at the gas station were used for further flights.

UFO over LAX

The Darwin Award for 1997 went to Larry Waters of Los Angeles. His adventure is certainly one of the most spectacular stunts ever pulled. If you are not familiar with the Darwin Award, read the first story in chapter 2, where you find the story of the 1996 winner.

Larry Waters of Los Angeles is one of the few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry’s boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from his school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.

One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across.

Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun, figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descent and went back to the floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry’s plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back down. Things didn’t quite work out that way.
When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn’t float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn’t level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn’t risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours. Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport.

A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right at the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared.

Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew.

As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.

As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, “A man can’t just sit around.” Let’s hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner.

Hippo in Buff

The flight reservation clerk had a hard time finding the destination the caller was looking for.

“Sorry, I can’t find a Hippopotamus in New York State”, the frustrated clerk announced after several minutes of searching. “Is it anywhere near Buffalo?”, he inquired further.
“That’s it!” exclaimed the passenger.

“It’s Buffalo. I knew it was a large animal!”

Can Can – Can Not

A Paris bound passenger could not contain his excitement in anticipation of the big city when he stripped and pranced about on the flight. The aircraft, originating from Toronto, had to make an emergency landing in Stephenville, Newfoundland, in order to continue the trip without the offending stripper.
Later, the man was re-arrested after a disturbance at a hotel.

The Dead Dog

A dog was being shipped from Toronto to Los Angeles. Upon arriving at a stopover at Vancouver International Airport one of the baggage handlers noticed that the dog was extremely quiet and not moving. After a closer inspection involving several bystanders it was determined that the dog was dead.

It also came to light that the dog had mistakenly been placed in an unsuitable area on the aircraft which could have contributed to the dog’s demise.

A quick meeting of airline officials was called. After a few minutes of deliberations it was decided to take a Polaroid picture of the dog and send a dog-literate person to nearby animal shelters to obtain a “live” dog with the exact looks and coloring to replace the dead dog.

After several stops a suitable match was found which turned out to be almost perfect. The plan was executed without a hitch and soon the dog was on his way to Los Angeles.
Several days later the airline received a letter from an elderly lady in Los Angeles praising the airline for the “miracle” of reviving her dead dog who had died in Toronto and was being shipped to L.A. to be buried.

Talk about friendly skies…

Air Heads

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Remember When?

On July 20,1969, as commander of the apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, “that’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark : “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr.Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.

“Sex! You want sex?!?? You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”

Captain:”Sorry, I don’t know how to Land!”

-Daily Telegraph – Passengers screamed when the pilot of a no-frills Go flight from Newcastle to Stansted airport told them that he did not know how to land in fog.

Some of them made panicky phone calls to relatives on their cellphones as the Boeing 737 circled for half an hour in the murk on the recent flight.

One of the 92 passengers, Karen Barichievy, from London, said: “We had started to wonder if something was wrong when we hovered over Stansted for so long. People screamed and gasped when the pilot came over the loudspeaker saying he could not land because he was in training.

“They couldn’t believe what they had heard. People were phoning their families. There was a real sense of fear.”

The plane diverted to East Midlands airport, where visibility was good, and the co-pilot emerged from the cockpit to explain himself.

“He stood at the front of the cabin and apologized, admitting that this flight was part of his training and he had not yet been certificated to land in fog,” said Barichievy, 25, a trainee reporter.

“He looked embarrassed.”

Regulations require both pilots on any flight to have category 3 qualifications if a low-visibility landing is to be made.

But only one of the two pilots on flight GO612 held such a licence. The airline had gambled on the weather staying clear. So when the fog quickly enveloped Stansted, the co-pilot, who was flying the aircraft, had to abort.

After an hour at East Midlands, a categoy 3 pilot arrived in a van and was cheered and applauded. The flight eventually reached Stansted at midnight, two and a half hours late.

Golf Balls no Missile Defense

YELLOWKNIFE (CBC News Online) – Yellowknife’s golf course was shut down on Friday after an unarmed missile fell off a Canadian Forces CF-18 jet and landed on the driving range.
The jet was landing at a nearby airport when the AIM-7 Sparrow missile dropped off. Police closed an adjacent highway for more than an hour.

Maj. Rob Carter said it was a real missile, not a practice or training device. Carter said the safety systems were on and there was no danger of the missile exploding.

An official at Norad’s Winnipeg office said five bombs or rockets have accidentally fallen off CF-18s across Canada since 1990.

“We take every reasonable precaution that we can to make sure that when something is mounted on the aircraft it’s mounted correctly and properly, ” said Capt. Dave Muralt. “Unfortunately, sometimes things happen.”

Golf course assistant manager Guy Kennedy said he was preparing to open for the day when an RCMP officer rushed into the clubhouse and told him the place had to be evacuated.
“The Mountie was speaking on the radio to someone and said…that he had a visual on the missile,” Kennedy said. “And I kind of looked where he was looking out on our driving range and there was a missile out on our driving range. At that point I realized what everybody was talking about.”

Kennedy said he was forced to cancel a major golf tournament and there’s no word when golfers can return to the course.

“Dear Captain…”

This is a copy of a real note handed to a Quantas flight attendant from an 8 year old girl.

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